Miranda - WHAT IF - Series one Episode five - EXCUSE
by such fun
Summary: What if Edmund hadn't had a squeaky high voice? Not sure how many chapters this will be, but it will be fairly short (promise!).
1. Chapter 1

**Miranda – What If – Series One, Episode Five "EXCUSE"**

**CHAPTER ONE**

WHAT IF EDMUND HADN'T HAD A SQUEAKY HIGH VOICE?

Miranda couldn't quite believe what she'd got herself into. She was just about to enter the restaurant for her own 'coming out' party. How had things got this out of control? Stevie was not helping and was now fixated on getting life membership to the national trust with a special lesbian discount for civil partnership ceremonies.

As Miranda and Stevie enter the restaurant things go from bad to worse.

Miranda – "Stevie! You do realise that this is just made up? We're not a couple!"

Stevie – "I think your parents would be thrilled to have me as a daughter-in-law!"

Miranda – "Go and mingle!"

Miranda heads over to bar to speak to her mother. On the way she bumps, quite literally, into a stranger; a very handsome stranger.

Miranda – "Sorry!"

Stranger - "No problem."

As Miranda approaches the bar Penny looks up.

Penny – "Oh there you are darling!"

Miranda – "Who's that?"

Penny – "That's Edmund."

Miranda – "What? But… oh."

Penny – "Lovely man. Such a pity. But never mind; you're not interested in men now."

Miranda – "Actually mum, there's something I need to tell you… "

Miranda explains to Penny that she is not, in fact, a lesbian. Penny announces it to the whole restaurant.

Penny – "Ok, now _please_ can I introduce you to Edmund?"

Miranda – "Oh, go on then!"

Penny walks away to grab Edmund.

Gary emerges from the kitchen; dressed as Mr. Darcy. Miranda's heart rate sores.

Miranda – "Oh Mr. Darcy! You look better in that than I ever imagined!"

Gary – "Can I have a dance later?"

Miranda – "Umm, yes; but I'd better just… Mum's about to introduce me to Edmund."


	2. Chapter 2

**Miranda – What If – Series One, Episode Five "EXCUSE"**

**CHAPTER TWO**

WHAT IF EDMUND HADN'T HAD A SQUEAKY HIGH VOICE?

Edmund smiles as Penny introduces him to Miranda. He has a lovely smile and Miranda's heart flutters more than a little.

Penny – "I'll leave you two to get to know each other; such fun!"

Penny leaves and Edmund motions towards the sofa in the corner of the restaurant; away from the hubbub of the party. Miranda and Edmund walk over to the sofa.

Edmund – "Your mother has organised a top notch party Miranda!"

Miranda – "Oh, thanks; she does love a themed party! Hence the costumes."

Edmund – "Costumes? What costumes?"

Miranda stares at Edmund in disbelief; then she decides he must be joking and she smiles politely.

Miranda – "Um, so do you live locally, Edmund?"

Edmund – "Oh yes, we're just in the adjacent county."

Miranda – "Which part?"

Edmund – "Most of it."

Miranda – "And what do you do?"

Edmund – "I run the estate; Father's getting on in years and he's keen for me to know exactly how the estate works so that I can take over. There is always a lot to do... "

Edmund drones on and on and on about the day to day running of his enormous estate. Miranda listens politely at first; but soon finds herself drifting into a daydream… a daydream about Mr. Darcy emerging from the lake; soaked to the skin in his breeches and white shirt…

Back in the kitchen, Gary is having a disaster with the crème brûlée dishes. He has taken off his red jacket and is now standing in his breeches and white shirt. Clive enters the kitchen and sees the flame of the crème brûlée torch. Clive panics, thinking Gary is on fire, and throws the jug of water he is carrying at Gary; completely soaking him…


	3. Chapter 3

**Miranda – What If – Series One, Episode Five "EXCUSE"**

**CHAPTER THREE**

WHAT IF EDMUND HADN'T HAD A SQUEAKY HIGH VOICE?

…_. Clive panics, thinking Gary is on fire, and throws the jug of water he is carrying at Gary; completely soaking him…_

Clive – "Gary! You were on fire!"

Gary – "No Clive; I was finishing off the crème brûlées."

Clive – "Oh, sorry. I came in to say that you'd better get out there quick and rescue Miranda."

Gary – "Why, what's she done?"

Clive – "She's being bored to death by Edmund."

Gary – "I can't go out like this."

Clive – "You definitely can! The look is very Mr. Darcy!"

Clive laughs, but Gary is not impressed. He is, however, curious to see what is happening with Miranda and Edmund and he remembers that Miranda agreed to dance with him later. He walks out of the kitchen and looks around for Miranda.

Miranda spots Gary instantly. She can hardly believe her eyes; one moment ago she was day dreaming about Mr. Darcy emerging, soaked to the skin, from the lake. And now; here he is, a vision of utter gorgeousness; water still dripping from him. Her mouth drops open. Completely forgetting that she is supposed to be listening to Edmund's dreary story; Miranda stands up.

Gary sees Miranda stand up and walks purposefully towards her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Miranda – What If – Series One, Episode Five "EXCUSE"**

**CHAPTER FOUR**

WHAT IF EDMUND HADN'T HAD A SQUEAKY HIGH VOICE?

_Gary sees Miranda stand up and walks purposefully towards her._

Miranda can't take her eyes off Gary's soaked through shirt and breeches which are clinging tantalisingly to his body. She gasps in delight as he approaches.

Gary, having marched up to Miranda, now finds himself tongue-tied and can't speak. He simply stands in front of her unable to utter a word.

Edmund is affronted that Miranda is not listening to him and gets up to tackle her on the subject. But when he sees Gary standing there in his wet clothes, and particularly when he sees Miranda gazing lustfully at Gary in his wet clothes; Edmund feels jealous and tries to reclaim Miranda's attention. He takes Miranda's arm.

Edmund – "Would you like to dance Miranda?"

Miranda – "Oh, I'm sorry Edmund; did you say something?"

Gary finds his voice at last.

Gary – "Actually, I asked Miranda for dance earlier; and I have come to claim her hand."

Edmund – "I hardly think Miranda will want to dance with you in your current state!"

Miranda – "Oh I do! I definitely do!"

Gary proffers his arm.

Gary – "Miranda?"

Miranda – "Mr. Darcy!"

Gary starts to lead Miranda to the dance-floor. However, he has second thoughts when they get there and carries straight on, right out of the restaurant, into the shop, up the stairs and into Miranda's flat…


	5. Chapter 5

**Miranda – What If – Series One, Episode Five "EXCUSE"**

**CHAPTER FIVE**

WHAT IF EDMUND HADN'T HAD A SQUEAKY HIGH VOICE?

_Gary starts to lead Miranda to the dance-floor. However, he has second thoughts when they get there and carries straight on, right out of the restaurant, into the shop, up the stairs and into Miranda's flat…_

Breathing fast, Miranda and Gary stand face to face silently for a moment; and then, unable to resist, they start tearing each other's clothes off, before, half naked, they kiss passionately.

Edmund – "Miranda?"

Miranda now pulls Gary towards the sofa.

Edmund – "Miranda; are you alright?"

Miranda and Gary collapse onto the sofa.

Edmund – "Miranda!"

Miranda is roused from the daydream by Edmund who is still sat next to her on the sofa in the restaurant. She sighs. She is just about to reply that's she's fine when Gary is suddenly in front of her. And, unbelievably, he is soaked to the skin.

Gary – "Miranda, you promised me a dance."

Miranda stands up.

Miranda – "Will you excuse me Edmund?"

Miranda and Gary dance to 'Foreigner – I Want To Know What Love Is'. Miranda is still a little shaken from the daydream and Gary senses that she is tense.

Gary – "Sorry to interrupt your conversation with Edmund."

Miranda – "Oh, not at all, you saved me!"

Gary – "I'm afraid Clive thought I was on fire and poured a jug of water over me."

Miranda – "I must remember to thank him."

Gary – "Miranda! That was very bold!"

Miranda – "It was!"

Gary – "I really should take these wet things off… "

Miranda – "Gary! What are you suggesting?"

Gary – "That we go back to mine?"

Miranda – "Gosh."

Gary – "Sorry, I was getting a bit carried away with the whole Mr. Darcy thing!"

Miranda – "Although you're right, you should remove those wet things; you might catch a cold."

Gary – "I'd better go home then. Come with me?"

Miranda – "Ok."

Gary and Miranda have stopped dancing. Gary suddenly kisses Miranda; not caring who is watching. Then he takes Miranda's hand and they leave the restaurant together.

**THE END**


End file.
